bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
