you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
