Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
