Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
