i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
