if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
