Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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