so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
