You made me cry and you don't even care
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
