Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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