are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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