After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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