FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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