I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
