What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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