Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
