That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
