My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
