Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
