I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
