i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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