Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
