I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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