shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
