If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
