Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
