you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
