I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
