so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
