Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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