I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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