so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
