whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
