i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
