Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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