I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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