Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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