Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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