I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
