Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
