remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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