Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
