I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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