I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
