Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
