There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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