Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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