The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
