OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So many bounce houses so little time
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
