Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
