Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
