you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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