So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think people are normalizing furries
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
