You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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