You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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