I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
